I'm tired of being the other woman.

I'm sorry.. I just can't.

1. Every once and awhile I feel like I belong somewhere, but then something changes and makes me realize how alone I really am.

2. Nails on a chalkboard doesn't bother me. Chalk bothers me. Just the thought of chalk or mentioning of it makes me react the way you would to nails on a chalkboard. The thought of how dry it is and everything about it freaks me out. Since I was 5.

3. I'm horrible with simple mathematics. But I have the highest grade point average in my English Honors.

1.) Last night while he was replacing my air intake tube on my car I was so ridiculously turned on. 

2.) I just found a pill in my purse, and without thinking I took it. I think I have a problem.

I'm not jealous that my boyfriend is spending a lot of his time with his friends from Texas this week.

I'm jealous that he has friends to spend his time with, and he is the only person I've got.

I wish I could figure out exactly what my sexuality is. I know I'm sexually attracted to girls, moreso than I sm to guys, but I don't know if I'd succeed in a gay relationship with another girl. Confusion. And I don't know why I keep this a secret, one of my closest friends is completely gay, and I'm sure he'd understand...

I am so sick of my friends making jokes about my eating. I don't even know where they come from. I barely eat when I with them. I gaurantee every single one of them eats more than me on a daily basis. I just want them to stop making jokes. They make it seem like I eat constantly.

Maybe it's because I do have the most weight on me in the group. But their jokes really, really hurt.

Mom,
It's not that I didn't want you to throw me a sweet sixteen party.
It's that I didn't have enough friends to invite.
I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted to plan that for me.

I said I love you but I lied. I stopped loving you almost four years ago. I don't even love you as a friend anymore. I never thought this days would come but it has. I am sorry but I can't change it. I have forgotten what it is like to love you. Still Happy Birthday.

My sister and I planned to hang out yesterday.

She flaked on me saying that she and her bf have been fighting for two weeks and she was hanging out with her friend.


I'm sick of her flaking for everything. She didn't show up for Christmas. Or Thanksgiving. She didn't get ready on time to take me to see Conan. She missed Reese's FIRST birthday and was 3 hrs late for Carlie's. All because she and her boyfriend get into fights.

She's just like mom.

I really want to apologize for my thoughts lately, but I don't know how to tell him that I am sorry without worrying him in the first place.

"Hey, hon, I really want to apologize for thinking about my ex so much and bringing him up all the time. It's just that I miss him a lot and this is a tough time of year in which he always was the star of the show (even when we were friends). So yeah, no big. Just wanted to say sorry!"

Not gonna cut it, methinks.

I'm friends with all 4 of the siblings of family K on Myspace. I'm friends with all 3 of the siblings of family N on Facebook. I feel accomplished when I'm friends with all the siblings of a family on social networking sites, like I'm "collecting" them haha.

I cried harder over my fish's death than my grandfather's.

I want to make out & have some sweet lovin' with someone while "Cruisin'" by Smokey Robinson plays! That would be.. awesome.

if i could have any power right now,
it would be that i could make myself stop missing him.

I posted something about how when I first met my boyfriend, I thought he was gay.
WELL
I read a blog of his from 2006, stating he was interested in men. We met in 2008.
I'm sorry...but you can't change. You really cant. And I'm not attracted to him anymore.


Someone parked behind my car, to the point where they were an inch away from my bumper. I left a sign on their windshield that said "Nice park job, douchebag." I've never felt more liberated.

He's just gonna break my heart in the end.

But I don't have the guts to let him go.

My heart doesn't have an "OFF" switch.  Once I love someone, I always love that person no matter what transpires.

I was never angry with you when you killed yourself.  I carry part of you in my heart.  Sometimes I talk to that part of you and I hope that you hear me.  I wish I knew for sure.  It has been so many years now, I'm certain that I will love you and miss you until my dying day.

If only you had realized how much you meant to me and how much I cared about you.  How much I did love you.  Everyone else in the world, including your family, seems to have moved on and forgotten you.

I will never forget you, D.  Never, never, never.